Grandparents are the link in the chain that connects the past to the present. So you are reading this and saying “that sounds so cliché” and you know what; you are right. If grandparents are no more then a living picture of our ancestors then you would be right, who needs them? What use are there for people who only remind us of the out-dated past? They don’t get what we are saying, they don’t understand our society and you might even go as far to say they get in the way.

Well now that I got all you senior citizens riled up with your blood pressure off the charts, grabbing for the nearest shotgun and looking up my address, let me enlighten you some.

There is a song title called ‘where have all the cowboys gone’. However, I would like to ask ‘where have all the grandparents gone’? Where is the powerful voice and leadership of our wise elders? If you look around you see a lot of degenerates in the spot light leading the call of the future. Since when did we start following the tail and looking at ‘children’ for advice on how to lead a life of an upstanding citizen?

Before the 1200’s most people didn’t have surnames. When communities were small each person was identified by a single name, but as the population increased, it became necessary to identify people further such as Robert son of Charles. Kings would boast their lineage to show how distinguished their family was. We can speculate from this that being identified and recognized by ones ancestors was honorable.

Throughout history the family unit was made up of parents, children, and grandparents. Grandparents have always had a special place in the family unit. Often children would be educated by their grandparents, not because their parents lacked the skill, but because the grandparents had such a wealth of knowledge to contribute. This created a special bond between the child and grandparent. They became the parents you can tell everything to without worrying about consequences.

Over the past few decades many family units have crumbled. Many experts argue over the reason. Some say finance and the pursuit of the American dream preempted the recognition of the family unit and its importance. Others say it was the need for distance from the old traditions and lifestyles. Whatever the cause, that beautiful relationship and bond between grandparents and their descendents fell away. The importance of grandparents was overlooked and forgotten and the ones who really lost out were the grandchildren.

How childish are we to think that we know it all and that this generation is different from the previous. It is arrogant for us to think that we can come up with the solutions to our problems ourselves. Let us not forget, that the next generation is already here and you don’t have to stretch the imagination to figure out what they are thinking. Soon we will be the grandparents sitting alone wondering why we are so alone and why no one listens to our voices. We will be our own demise. The way we behave towards our parents and grandparents will be the way we are treated in return.

It is sad to see a grandparent being brushed off or not given the reverence they truly deserve. If there is a relationship with a grandparent it is usually a smile and thank you after a gift is given. The knowledge and life experiences they hold are not given their proper respect. Grandparents are more than someone to visit in Florida or a person we celebrate holidays with. There is much more to them then that (I would hope).
Scientifically speaking, there is a fine line between nature and nurture. Many traits we have are genetically passed down to us from our ancestors, not just our eye and hair color, but also our temperaments. How we deal with challenges comes from how our grandparents dealt with theirs.

Our grandparents are invaluable for many reasons and not only because of them are we here. They show us where we come from and by doing so show us in which direction we are heading and what we are capable of achieving. By learning about our ancestors and their accomplishments it gives us a glimpse into how we can make our lives more fulfilling and gratifying. So you may be thinking what if my grandparents don’t have anything valuable to share with me. Well, that in itself teaches you a lot. If the train they were on derailed why would you follow on the same tracks, move to a safer one. To use a metaphor, just as a tree needs to be connected to its roots in order to grow strong and withstand the winds so to a person needs to be connected to his roots in order to withstand the winds of time. A person who feels that they are smart enough and can take on a life of their own disregarding his background is likened to a tree with a big trunk and branches but few roots. Such a tree will blow over when a strong wind comes. We need our grandparents for the messages they impart. Our challenges today are not much different then the ones of our grandparents.

After all this being said, grandparents why do you sit back and take it? Don’t tell me “what can I do they just don’t listen, so I’ve stopped talking”, what kind of excuse is that? You were going to shoot me before for how I introduced this article. Use that excitement, take the initiative, break the silence and get more involved in your grandchildren’s life. You can blame this generation for how things are and talk in the club house until there’s no one left to talk to or you can show them how to change by starting yourself. Reach out and connect with them like the future depends on it because it does.

There are also enormous mental and psychological benefits for grandparents to interact with their grandchildren. Studies have shown that grandparents who care for grandchildren say that they feel younger and lead a more vital life (Caren 1991, Kornhaber 1996). People ask where the fountain of youth is. Some might say its right in your backyard; look at your grandchildren. They make you think of things in a new light and stay active alongside them. They bring smiles to your face and gladness to your heart every time you see them. There is no greater pleasure than watching grandchildren grow. Watching your legacy continue brings a sparkle to the eyes and a feeling of accomplishment to your life.

There is another benefit of being more involved with grandchildren, which is not emphasized enough, and that is the concept of true love. Society sings and speaks about love but the love they talk about is dependent on external or emotional factors. True unconditional love cannot be reached until you are a grandparent. Even a parent’s love for their child can change according to how their child is behaving. However, as a grandparent you have the luxury of loving without any boundaries. You can visit with the grandchildren and then say goodbye at night. From speaking with many grandparents I find that the ability to unconditionally love is something unique to the stage of ‘grandparenthood’.

The grandchild benefits from this love because they now have someone loving them no matter what. It is a great boost for their confidence and self esteem and teaches them about a kind a love they can get no where else. The feeling of being loved also teaches the grandchildren what love is capable of being.

In closing there is a story told of a man who was walking in the desert and was tired, hot, and hungry. He saw a tree with a brook flowing by it. He stopped and ate from the fruit, drank from the water, and sat under the shade of the tree. After he was refreshed, he wanted to bless the tree, but what could he bless it? To have sweet fruit, it already has. That its branches should give shade, it already does. He decided to bless it that the fruit that come from its seeds should taste just like it. This is your blessing. May your children and your children’s children grow to be the roots you represent, our great forefathers.

Shmuel Druin, LCSW, is a psychotherapist and an accomplished educator. He specializes in adolescence and family counseling. For comments and questions please email Sdruin1@yahoo.com or go to www.vibrantteens.wordpress.com